it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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