I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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