I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
