Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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