I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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