His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
