roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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