omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
