When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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