My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
