K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
