Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize