i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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