I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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