gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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