Im at strip club and am horny
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
