your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
