it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
