They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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