I wish i was in the wii world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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