my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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