I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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