If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
