If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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