I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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