Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
