Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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