Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
