Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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