i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
