I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
