You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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