FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
