Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
