Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
