lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
