my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize