i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
