did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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