i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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