I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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