Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
