I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
