After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
