I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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