come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
