I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
