Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
