it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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