He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
