I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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