Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
