It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
