I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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