If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
