I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
