Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
