"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
