apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
