I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize