Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
