I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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