I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
