if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
